and i need to go to the shop.
bugger.
blast.
i wish we had some proper light. its so grey out. I need to mail some stuff too.
i don't know what to do about my former boss. he called today and i ignored the phone. so much i would want to answer. so much i would want to talk, and see what he wants. i normally don't avoid.i cannot trust him. i cannot trust myself to be strong enough to not trust him. i would want so much to be able to. you'd think i'd married the guy and he was my ex or something. shit. so with avoidance at large and a guilty conscience for not answering...how much longer can i avoid...and the longer i do it makes it harder to go back. DUMB!
i think i'll fidget, and procrastinate some more.
its a very blah day i want to do something and yet, I don't and everything has me on edge. feelings are on the surface, but i know its the dark. i know its the fact that i want to go home. that i need to go. manic already. where the hell is my vitamin b. (b is for blythe no?)
i want princess ala mode so badly.
i want a fringed red kb. severely.
i need a new computer. asap. before my iMac says 'kiss this' forever.
we have to get the papers finished for Henri's visa.
we have to buy tickets asap for the trip during thanksgiving.
life in limbo.
so i watched dirty dancing. i knitted a buncha helmets while watching. i love that movie.
never did white keds look so cute and become so fashionable. what a total CRAP movie too...i mean..period, and yet not...the costuming was a fright, as was the music...so much was wrong with it its not even funny. But on the other hand its so sweetly naive ..and patrick...why did you ever quit dancing!? you were so hot!
due to this movie i never lost my love for denim shorts and tank tops...oh jennifer grey, why did you ever get that nose job?
i still love the first scene when she goes to the forbidden staff cabin and sees them dancing the first time. Oh geez...Love Man! Johnny, you hot thang you!
so i have had 6 days away from my floristry job, and in the mean time i've been working on my 'other job' of sewing/making helmets for blythe, and spending time with henri as well. it has been time well spent. i also lost my net connection for a day and a half. small blessings. i created an entirely new blythe dress that thrills me to make.
so instead of blabbing more, here are some pictures from the last 6 days. it smells like autumn out there, and i can hardly stand how much i love the season and how beautiful it is. the way it smells, crisps,and is wonderful.
Weep with me.
John...I can't listen to you without bursting into tears.
I'm such a sap.
chalk another oddity into my musical tastes.
Soundtrack for today:
John Denver (multiple albums)
Natalie Merchant (House Carpenter's Daughter)
Crash Test Dummies (got shuffled his feet)
Everclear (the best of everclear, the singles)
Cracker (Garage d'Or)
Loretta Lynne (Van Lear Rose)
John Frusciante (shadows collide with people)
and if I still have time 'Better than Ezra: Friction baby'
The angle of the sun. Its all shouting autumn at me. My favourite season. My moment to bask,reflect,and feel enriched. Wrapped in nostalgia, new beginnings,beauty. I'm of two minds here. It terrifies me to let go of the light days of summer. I've not spent enough time sweating in the sun. I've not put my feet in the river enough. Its gone by too fast. I want to reach out and grab it...save it all ...as it just runs through my fingers like sand. I'm terrified of the dark days of winter. They are of no comfort to me. They feel endless...like a gaping maw ready to swallow me whole. Unlike the cozy romanticism of autumn, winter breaks my heart. Its cold impersonal-ness...it gives no quarter, it chokes out hope. It crushes me. I hate what it does to me. I love the autumn and yet I grow to dread it more and more...
I want to shove the dread inside a bottle and put a cork on it. Not let it out to ruin the waning days of summer. Yet, every day as the nights grow cooler, the sun sets earlier...I feel that cork creeping open, dread escapes and clouds the edges of my vision.
Today is my 8th day of work. Tomorrow the 9th in a row. Thankfully the last. I will have 6 days off then. Thank goodness. This schedule has been a bit of a tiring one for me. Every weekend working..no time with Henri. I'm glad to finally shift to a different schedule so I can finally have a bit more time.
Finally finishing up the majority of my helmet commissions. As I had hoped, so I can begin making them for my etsy shop.There is light at the end of the tunnel there.
So. I leave you with a few dolly and garden pictures.
So today...I took photos...and archived my day...
it started with a rude awakening of my alarm going off at 7am. Needed to do laundry...2 loads..
Next came coffee, and helmet felting:
After that it was back to the arrangements...
This is me, over and out.
Not entirely true, and yet, not entirely false. The past 4 weeks I've worked Wed-Sunday. Which is fine, but Henri only has weekends off, so I feel like I'm never seeing him enough. UGH. Next weekend I do have off, and its Ropecon, which I will be working at, but thats more like self entertainment than anything else. Tuesday was our 7th anniversary. Time flies. Wool and Copper...hrm. Left gift options a bit strange this year. A package I sent is missing, which is eternally frustrating. I am experiencing all the 'should have, would have, could have' regrets of not tracking it. MORON.
Henri finally got a project he was invited in on....published! Finally his artwork is being used in some game cards. Since I've known Henri he has worked on a variety of game art, to no avail, so this is really neat to see something like this finally happen. They will also be using more of his stuff in an expansion to the game. Here is the link to the game: http://www.smirkanddagger.com/cutthroat.htm
If we'd have had visa shit sorted out already he could have gone to help promo the game at GenCon...but oh well.Maybe next year.
I've been sewing, and knitting/felting my way along. Keeping extra funds coming in for the projected visit to home this fall. I am planning to buy myself a macbook then because there is no sense in buying one here, when the dollar/euro exchange rate is so phenomenal right now. I pretty much could get it for half the cost. I really need a new computer. The old i-Mac is really trying to die on me,(Screen flickering now and then) and I get tired of waiting a few minutes for each photo to appear in photoshop.
My old boss called me last week with an offer of a new job. Opening up a posh new boutique in a posh new place. I thought about it long and hard, and turned him down. People don't change. Perhaps I ended up with the moral victory, and maybe things would be different the second time around (I so sound like someone in a bad relationship, justifying things! hah!) But in my heart I knew it was for the best to stay away, no matter how interesting it 'sounded'. On the flip side, my current temp job at the garden/flower center has led to a more long term open contract. They cannot offer me a full time permanent position (which is fine. I actually dont' want it) rather they offered me just what I want. The promise of about 3 shifts or more a week. probably more (aka full time) all the way through Oct. Nov will be slow and Dec more than enough...and basically they want to extend my contract through the rest of this year. I also think its a good thing that they checked that they are paying me the maximum wage possible. (the company has a policy of not paying over what is the union recommended wage which is not a bad thing, it keeps wages straight forward and there can be no interpersonnel jealousy over wages) As usual there is eternal frustration with one employee there...as honestly she has no sense of ...job preservation. I work with the idea that what I do pays my salary...where as..I have no idea what she thinks pays her wages...and what is worse is that she is an 'old timer' there. But ...I'm very happy that the people who count, the two managers ...recognize my work and my ethic...and adamantly want to keep me. They are also turning more of the flower ordering over to me, and asking me, how can we make cut flowers a bigger percentage of our sales...what can we do to make this better...
and the nicest thing was said to me by the manager yesterday, 'Ruth, here you can be as creative as you want. even though cut flowers are not super fancy here on the surface you can do whatever you wish to take it further here...'
and that was nice to hear. They recognize the need to push the product.
I'm happy about that. I leave you with a photo from my work room. I picked the hydrangea bloom as it had been bent in the wind and was breaking on the stem....
Today I need to snap a photo of a rose named 'Purple Cezanne' that came in yesterday. I bought three home...to replace the blue curiosa from last week. The blue curiosa lasted really well. I was a bad owner and did not change water or cut new ends on them as I should have. They probably would have given me 5 more days had I done so...
Today...is a day for me. Well, and a day for me equals time for dolly sewing, working on helmets etc. So..not entirely for me. Also it includes a much needed laundry session. Its only just begun but I wanted to update before I hopped on my bike and went to visit a friend. My morning began with some TLC on the garden, the weekly fertilizing, deep watering and transferring my lavender away from the nasturtiums, which are growing too much, and crowding the lavender. I also addressed the aphids that are abusing my fuschia. die!die!die! This year has been a bad year for pests. The tomatoes are coming along pest free, as is a couple large digitalis (foxglove) and also my peas are ripening fastly. a good year for peas as its been relatively cool. I have some dahlias setting buds and my cosmos are considering that maybe they should bloom already. There are a few random things that have come up from seed of previous years. baby's breath, some petunias (which should be interesting as they are so hybridized that their offspring are almost always unique) nigella and some honey herb. I finally got some peppermint for the herb bench, but its being taken over by the nasturtiums. I need to cut back the cat mint and the coriander(cilantro) as they have grown completely out of control as well. I'm enjoying my garden. I wonder if my hops vine will make hops this year. i want to smell that yeasty autumnal smell that they give. Its now three years old. I can hope.
Rage and Rant. (Disclaimer to my Finnish friends: I apologize,this is going to be harsh and uncalled for. I know you are not like this, and I love you all dearly,but there seems to be a demographic that is!)
I get so angry. People can be so rude. at least 6 times this week It has been said to me, with a sneer, and a very rude tone of voice, the curling of the lip...the condescending attitude and wording , 'Oh, you must be russian' and when I give them a response saying no, I get, 'Oh, then I guess you are from Estonia' in the same condescending sneer. I say 'No, i am not' again ...and then I get a sort of mocking, 'well then, where ARE you from' as if I suddenly have just concocted the idea that I am neither one of those....and I respond shortly, 'The united states' and they shut up. If I were Russian...i'd hate people here. If I were Estonian, I'd tell them where to shove off. One of these day's I swear I'm going to say, 'Fuck yeah I am russian and my bloody brother is part of the fucking mafia and is coming your way asshole!' How can people be so RUDE. I would never ever ask anyone anything in that tone of voice. Let alone where they were from. What fucking right do they have to demand from me where the hell I come from. Just...aaaaaargh! Ugh! I get so angry at times. I get so angry at this narrowminded bitter little nation that exists. That there is a core part of the populations that cannot even enjoy a flower that will open...that wants to only buy roses that are so fucking green and in bud that they will never open and never become a beautiful flower. they will mummify in that fucking raw bud form. Oh unhappy souls who cannot SEE the beauty in the opening of a flower...'do you have anything that is more in bud' they ask...as I just put in all brand new roses, fresh from the wholesale. PISS OFF PEOPLE. Karma knew I was having a 'hate on finland' moment...yesterday morning I got a wonderful old woman come in and pick up two roses to give for confirmation. She was dressed in some fantastically dated clothing...but really quality, well made and well styled. She wanted the big roses, the large flowered ones that were more open and showy. Even though she was finnish! She was chatty while I packed them up and I learn that she was married to a moroccan man, and lived in Spain for 28 years. She had her own boutique there with her husband and sewed clothing. We talked about roses, that are big and beautiful...and she reminisced about how wonderful it was living elsewhere. we chatted about sewing, international love...
She was just what I needed.
again on the phone right before I was leaving work...someone said, 'oh, you must be from russia..'
i nearly lost it.
There are so many things i love about finland...
and yet there are some very ugly things right now that really put me on edge. I'm losing my tolerance to the quaintness of it all or something. I just see sour faces. Hurried people, mothers who don't touch their children. Bitterness. Jealousy,competition. And I want to run away as fast as I can before I become one of the jaded masses.
The 7 year itch.
Flip side. Due to being lucky enough that Henri works in a shop that sells all sorts of games, manga,comics etc. I picked up some manga the other day by Mitsukazu Mihara. The same author/artist that did Doll. Which is a fabulous series IMO. Definitely not light fluff. I started on 'The Embalmer' and 'Beautiful People' I really enjoyed the Embalmer. It has all the qualities that I liked in Doll. Beautiful people is nice enough in its short stories, but lacked the continuity of the Embalmer. Anyway, saw a super cute outfit on one of the characters in The Embalmer and was inspired to sew an outfit for blythe from it. I hope I get it finished today...I'd like to make a series of them for my etsy. I have so many new ideas of what to sew that I really have to focus and pick one thing at a time. Still no luck on tracking down my wool source. I'm kind of hoping that before it gets too cold, I can sort of take the time and save some fundage to go to Estonia for a day of shopping. I think it would be fun and I know that there are a few vendors there. Nothing is impossible. I am also looking forward to the crafting fair that I went to last year at the old harbor. They had a couple vendors of the wool and there was one that I think was a direct manufacturer. I think I need to try and eliminate the middle man and deal with someone directly. That would thrill me.
But for now I leave you...with a quick snap of some sewing I did for My Yuki doll. Whom I think I shall name Naima.
Yay. No jet lag. Readjusting. I was not ready to come back. Or I was. The only reason was for Henri. I really missed Henri. The older I get the less I like travelling without him. I kept having awful visions of the plane crashing on the way home. I practially have these awful attacks of never seeing him again. Every movie I watched on the flight home made me cry in some romantic way or the other. Dumb,dumb,dumb. Lobotomize me please. Tokyo,oh Tokyo..just amazing. I barely scratched the surface. I barely got into even a fraction of what I would have wanted to. I had to reconcile myself to be content with what I had, the time I had. etc. Which I am not complaining. It was the time of my life.
Even though the votings and end results of the beauty contest are a bit of a fiasco, and sort of suck...the event itself was such a special thing.
First of all, meeting the staff behind blythe, cwc, junie moon etc was very special. The reception and appreciation of our being there was really heartfelt. Junko gave us gifts of handblown glass goblets made by her husband.Which I felt was really special. Getting to meet Gina, and spend time with people I had previously only contacted via the net was really great too.
I have no idea where to start. The food was amazing...everything was just...wonderful!
Meanwhile It is back to work with me, I hope to be able to post more over the weekend when I have some time.
for now I say, go to my flickr, there are pictures with more being added daily.
While I get it together over here...
Like sands through the hour-glass....
4 more days before I step onto that plane. At this point I'm relishing walking into the airport. Its when I can finally stop,breath,and enjoy the idea of going to Tokyo. Until then its a mad dash to prepare...sewing non stop, knitting non stop, felting non stop. I took on 3 shifts of work this week when I probably should not have, but it led to me getting an extended contract and a raise...or at least played a part in it. My paycheck at the end of the month will thank me for doing these three shifts too.
My dollies need to be dressed and loved a bit before I go. Its been all work and no play for them as well.
A special girl arrived in the blur, I snapped some quickies of her right before going to the Evanescence concert the other night...
Amy Lee was fantastic. She gave a lovely performance. Its been a while since I've seen a really great female performance...(although Lady Tron should count, they did a great job.)
I leave you with Nike, still muttering in french and she refuses to tell me her name until I get her some rement booze.
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Elley said:
One of those days huh?Re-watching a movie and some crafting seems like a perfect way to go on about it... read more
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maura_ea said:
That's genius! I can't believe I didn't try that before... read more
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lovely flowers read more
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